These are some of the healing
ingredients of my last year.
I lived in a small village with a sense of community (residents
refer to Cologne as a village despite its population of one million).
My pace of life was slower without a car, constantly ringing
cell phone, home phone, and even with stores offering shorter
hours and being closed on Sundays.
Life around me moved slower. The German work structure is one
of the best in the world with some companies offering 35-hour
work weeks, 4 to 6 weeks of vacation, unlimited sick days, and
over one dozen public holidays (there are 4 days of public holidays
in the month of May!). People have more time to relax and unwind,
and that is reflected in the environment.
Outside of my work schedule, I spent time sitting in cafes, lounging
at thermal baths, and riding my bike up and down the Rhine River.
Sometimes there simply was no place to go, no place to be, but
exactly wherever I was taking in the life around me.
I rode my bike everywhere and didn’t spend hours weekly
stuck in traffic surrounded by tense people making rude gestures
out of their own frustrations. After visiting the farmer’s
market, running other errands around town, or visiting with friends,
I cruised home with groceries and other items in my bicycle basket.
The distraction of being in another country separated me in some
ways from my past, and allowed me to be more in present time.
And I was often in awe of my majestic surroundings such as the
Roman walls and churches of Cologne, the city’s infamous
Dom (cathedral), cobblestone streets, old architecture, European
flare, as well as styles and sensibilities of those that crossed
my path.
The Germans are very direct in how and what they communicate.
I witnessed this directness through my German friends who spoke
with me in English. Their directness invited me to speak my own
truth without hesitation and padding.
For the most part, I also didn’t understand German being
communicated around me. I only learned a limited German vocabulary
during my time in Cologne. Yes, I had my distractions with my
medical treatments, work, and healing process. And still feeling
frustrated with myself especially over my last month in Germany
for not studying the language, it was only upon my return to California
that I understood why I didn’t pursue it.
On my first full day back in California standing online for the
cashier in Trader Joe’s, I quietly observed life around
me. Already overwhelmed by the vast selection and degree of choices
in the store, I then noticed another level of over stimulation
associated with hearing conversations in English. Even though
I wasn’t listening to any individual nearby dialogue, I
took in some of the conversations’ content. I smiled softly
to myself in that moment, as I understood exactly why I didn’t
learn German. On some level, I knew that learning German—
constantly striving to practice the language and understand conversations
within range— would have taken me away from my inner healing
journey and deeper self.
Not understanding the language around me invited the ultimate
isolation that allowed me to be more with myself. To hear my own
thoughts. To feel my own feelings. To tune into my instincts.
To know myself in new ways.
And I met so many wonderful people during my time in Cologne.
I made friends with people from Germany and other parts of the
world. Many of my friendships, and especially with Europeans,
possessed a level of depth that I sometimes find lacking in the
U.S. I had many wonderful times that I’m pondering with
nostalgia. At the end of this blog are some snapshots of some
kind souls that are in my heart, forever.
Now back in California for one week, my attention has been focused
on looking for housing and more work through my business Healing
Focus. While in Germany, I maintained working relationships with
several U.S. clients, and now I must expand my clientele. I am
eager, energized, and confident about accomplishing this task.
As you might know, my work involves writing, research, marketing,
and advocacy focused on improving health care, especially for
those affected by cancer, through education and empowering consumers
to advocate for themselves. I welcome contact about potential
professional collaborations!
The transition over my first week and a half back has been challenging
in ways that I didn’t predict. I’ve been dealing with
a lot of culture shock from hearing English, driving my car, moving
quickly in between large distances, having too many choices at
stores, talking on my cell phone a lot, observing disconnect in
interpersonal relationships, and feeling the stress that so many
people experience just to get by in the richest country in the
world that doesn’t offer universal health insurance, that
doesn’t pay for higher education, and that breeds fear in
its people. I feel the fear in this land. I feel the mistrust
of the people. And it in moments, it breaks my heart, and spirit.
Like the phoenix, I rise again and again.
As you might have noticed, I renamed my blogs to “The Healing
Way!” I will continue to share my healing journey here.
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