New Vistas

March 31, 2008

The morning sun’s orange reflection glistens on the Sausalito hillside with soft hues of blue beaming through the skylight as I awaken to a new day. Birds frolic in flight as my mind drifts between past, present, and future. Each of us reflects our collective life experiences, and while I have been known to dance too frequently in my past, and worry too much about my future, my relationship with time and space is dramatically shifting in the here and now.

March 19th marked my 10 year anniversary from my brain tumor diagnosis. For me, the day represented my triumph. The day echoed celebration of my survival. The day as a time capsule contained the story of my last 10 years— the long journey from diagnosis to present time.

And then it was March 20th, next March 21st, and as the days passed, I began to notice a profound shift. Perhaps words cannot articulate my perception of what I’ll label as a radical transformation. In short, I will convey that, day by day, I noticed a distancing between myself and the tumor. Yes, I perceived the tumor’s energy traveling out into the galaxy of our universe far away from my physical body.

“I carried you for 10 years, and longer. Now it is time for you to go,” I stated.

And with this farewell, I have become much more aware of the promise for my future. After negotiating 10 long years of trespasses, and some history of the same, I now stand more firmly than ever in the integrity of my own life force.

This new chapter begs the questions: “Who am I without the disease? What do I want to do with my life?”

These are liberating inquiries.

Why am I talking about myself without the disease again? Notice that I say “disease” and not “tumor.”

With this distance, albeit energetic, spiritual, emotional, mental, or what have you, my body is now able to more effectively cleanse itself physically.

I’ve known for many years that my purpose in this lifetime is for healing. First I had to heal myself, and from there translate what I’ve learned to others. This does not mean that my healing path is appropriate for each individual. My work is to help people find the healer within themselves, as well as advocate for holistic medicine.

Spring is a time for new beginnings. Spring is the season for coming to life.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

Cancer Markers

March 20, 2008

A major diagnostic tool through my protocol with Nicholas Gonzalez, MD measures what he calls a “cancer marker.” The scale goes as follows. Ten is normal. Fifty is the highest, but Gonzalez does not accept patients above 45. Most cancer patients start with Gonzalez when their marker is about 36. Mine was 24 back in November 2007 when I first met Gonzalez. (That was also my age when I was originally diagnosed.)

We test my cancer marker every 3 months. After this amount of time on the Gonzalez protocol, my cancer marker went from 24 to 21. Gonzalez said that the cancer marker decreases on average about 2 to 3 points every 3 months in patients responding to his program. Therefore, he expressed extreme enthusiasm for my results. Gonzalez has decades of experience tracking patient progress on his protocol through the cancer marker.

I continue to experience increasingly improved physical wellness. Although how I feel is not a scientific diagnostic, or a calculable test (although Quality of Life tools exist to assess patient reported outcomes in research studies), for me there is no better measure.